Monday, November 8, 2010

A Writer's Fears

A writer is always scared. If one tells you that they aren't scared, point at them and shout, "You LIE!" As you write and eventually publish (or not) Opus Magnus in the City: Hellzapoppin'!, doubt and anguish swirls in that writer's belly like... like... And this is a fear -- not coming up with the right simile? Or is it metaphor? See how that works? Gah. What, you ask, would a writer, strong and true, be frightened of?

Fears While Writing Opus Magnus in the City: Hellzapoppin'
Is this narrative too smart for today's readers?
Is this narrative too dumb for today's readers?
Am I dumb?
Will Mom, Dad, Nana and the Bishop bristle at my sex scenes, all the cussing, that mention of a joint and a stripper named Skittles?
Is it long enough?
Courier or Times New Roman?
Where the hell did my plot go?
Is that reference from "The Goonies" too obscure?
Am I a writer yet?

Fears While Finding an Agent to Represent Opus Magnus in the City: Hellzapoppin'
Snail mail or e-mail?
Did she get my query letter?
Frances -- is that a man agent or a woman agent?
Will I get rejected?
How many times will I be rejected?
Did my e-mail go to Frances' spam folder?
Crap -- is that chicken grease on my query letter?
I see Inbox (1) -- is that a rejection?
Who'd want to rep me since my writing sucks?
Am I a writer now?

Fears After Finding an Agent Who Will Now Feed Opus Magnus in the City: Hellzapoppin' to Editors the World Over

Does this agent know what she's doing?
Why aren't editors responding?
Is all of New York closed for Hallo-Thanks-Hannu-mas-Kwanzaa?
What idiot would want to buy this story of mine?
Does this editor really like my work?
Will this editor have a job a year from now?
Why isn't the editor responding?
Why isn't my agent responding?
Has she (agent and/or editor) changed their mind and I didn't get the 'You're Fired' e-mail because of Gmail's robust spam filter?
Am I a writer now??

Fears After Finding an Agent Who Will Now Feed Opus Magnus in the City: Hellzapoppin' to Editors the World Over and It Sold and is Now Available for Purchase and Mockery
Is it me or does my cover suck?
Why isn't anyone here for my book signing?
Is that my name spelled wrong on the press release?
Do I own e-rights for Saskatchewan?
In perpetuity perpetuity?
Why isn't my editor calling me back?
Where is my agent?
Am I a writer now?

And.... repeat. Fear: it's what's for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

1 comment:

  1. I have just installed iStripper, and now I enjoy having the sexiest virtual strippers on my taskbar.