Tuesday, December 14, 2010

A Novelist’s Wish List for Santa Claus

We writers don’t require much in life -- that’s why we’re writers and not actors or politicians or anthropologists. Pens, paper and maybe a computer loaded with Solitaire will suffice most times. But every year, we, too, wish upon the Christmas Star for cool things.

I’ve asked writer-friends from across the Interwebs what they’d like Santa to bring.

From writer-friends Yvonne, Teresa and Jennifer at Goodreads:

My book to be stocked at Barnes & Noble.

To win just a big enough lottery so that I could quit my day job and do nothing but read, research, write and publish and never have to spend time trying to promote.

For my novel's genre to be more popular. Paranormal romance? Yeah, sure, everyone wants that right now, but paranormal comedy? Not as easy to market, unfortunately.

From writer-friends Thumper, RJ Keller, terryr, victorine, Jennifer Erickson, Scott Neumyer, Mark Adair and sandynight over at Kindle Boards:

The gift of quick wit and an eloquence in putting it to virtual paper.

A pound or two of dark chocolate covered espresso beans.

Two hours of absolute silence (this includes cooperation from cats, telephoning teenage boy/girlfriends, and neighborhood horn honkers) once a week, for uninterrupted writing.
Another pound of dark chocolate covered espresso beans.

I'd settle for being able to pay my rent January 1st.

I want someone to read my book, enjoy it, then write a review. They don't even have to buy it. And I want $2000 for more coffee, tequila and chocolate!

Hitting that Top 10 Paid on Kindle would be awesome.

I'll settle for the top 100.

A brief mention by Oprah on her book club thing...yeah, that's it, Santa.

A doggie door, so all my mini-dachshunds can let themselves in and out instead of harassing me while I'm writing.

And from writer-friends VTWriter, Birol, Wayne K, storyteller 5, sonya bateman, milly, jallenecs, quicklime, gothicangel, RJK, maestrowork, idiotsrus, ASwimmerWrites, Jamesaritchie, dangerousbill, aimless lady, stormie, Frank Kelso, Nya RAyne, Esmeralda, benbradley, AlwaysJuly, Shadow Ferret, Eddyz Aquila, Etola, James D. MacDonald, MissAimee, Amrose, Kaiser-Kun, Hip-Hop-a-potamus, Stormhawk, ambri, Rachel Udin, Alyssalynne, Jessianodel and IrishWristWatch over at Absolute Write:

A case of Dom Perignon... because this is going to be the year.

Good coffee, preferably beans not grounds. A coffee cup warmer that plugs into the USB port of the computer.

Amazon gift certificates.

A gift certificate for a weekend a month in a cabin in the mountains somewhere to be alone...to write and edit and just take some time to breathe with my WIP

A signed, notarized affidavit from my Muse, swearing I'll only have one bad writing day a month for the next ten years

A copy of Strunk to replace the one I cannot seem to find....

The CWA Debut Dagger 2010.

Ability, Talent, Perseverance, Luck.

My very own spot (with my name on it) at the coffee shop with ample light, little traffic, a comfy chair and lots of power outlets. Oh yeah, and a seven-figure contract.

A log cabin in the garden for writing in. Must have kettle and fridge. No internet.

Someone to do the housework for me. Some proper bookcases in said log cabin. Big enough to actually hold all my books rather than have to pile them on the floor as currently. The confidence that I can continue to write passably well, rather than suffer that 'Ack! Gods! I loved the last book so much, who can I love this one/write this one any better? What if I've peaked?' feeling. An inexhaustible supply of pens. I buy them in their droves then the house eats them.

A roommate who is unerringly faithful to my writing cause and does things like make my meals, take my exams, and pay for my necessities. Oh, and it would be awesome if she was also a gifted beta reader crazy about my MSs.

Fountain pens and writing boxes. One of these, to be specific: http://www.hygra.com/wb/captain.htm

Two of me. One for surfing. One for writing.

A Macbook Air.

An I.O.U one contract offer from a well established agent. Enthusiasm that never dwindles.

Quick turnaround time from agents. And publishers. And a desire to never wake from that dream.

I would like the Montblanc Mark Twain fountain pen and a barrel of Wild Turkey rare breed because I'm a firm believer in the the credo, "Write drunk, edit sober."

A six figure contract on my first book, seven figure contract on my second book.

A housekeeper, a cook and a cozy office with a good view out the window would also be nice.

And I wouldn't say no to a ski machine/cross-trainer to get my blood pumping and my ideas churning.

On the twelfth day of Christmas my agent sent to me
Twelve author copies
Eleven copyedits
Ten award nominations
A nine-city book tour
Eight splendid blurb-quotes
Seven publishing offers
Six movie options
A five-figure advance
Four royalty checks
Three fan letters
Two swell reviews
And a pack with a new ARC

A big bag of Wine Gums... I like them when the writing is going slow.

An app for the iPad (I'd also like an iPad) where it looks like you're writing on loose-leaf with a stylus and as you're handwriting, the app is creating a Word (or comparable software) document with what you've handwritten including scratch outs.

Jim Butcher as my editor.

A machine that allows me to sync up my brain with my computer so I can just think at the computer and words come out, so I can get books done faster.

A 7 figure contract, with which I will:
1. Buy my own house again instead of renting.
2. Install a lovely garden shed in back with electric, heat, and internet.
3. A comfy spot in said garden shed to do my work, including desk, lots of bookshelves, and comfy armchair (oh, and a daybed for brainstorming and naps).
4. Travel, travel, travel! (I need to see these places I'm writing about to further kick butt in the description area).
That'll get me started.

To be a lifelong member of the Chocolate Of The Month club. Make that Chocolate Of the Day. (Need chocolate to sustain me while writing).

A box or two of my very favorite roller ball pens. An ipod and/ or gift card from iTunes, chocolate, coffee, wine to keep me going. Oh, and an agent would be nice.

I just want a killer high concept with a built-in story with beginning, middle and end that only I can write.

An oceanfront hotel suite in some quiet tropical paradise for a month so I can finish my novel without the distractions of obnoxious roommates.

An editor who thinks exactly like me. Or better yet, the ability to edit and fix up my book while I'm sleeping...and writing as that has kept me up many a night.


So, Santa. Dude. Get to ho-ho-hoing and jingle-belling. If it wasn’t for writers, no one would know who you were. Recognize. Oh, and Merry Christmas.

No comments:

Post a Comment